YMJen

Dear Extroverted Classmate -

Last week, I sat in class with you for three days and really enjoyed getting to know you, though I fear you left without really knowing me.

On our second day of class, Professor Gerali talked about how women use seven times as many words per day as men. Afterward, you approached me and said, “That’s sure not true for you, huh?”

In that moment, I wanted to crawl under the table and hide because you suddenly made me the focus of everyone’s attention in a way that drew attention to my shyness. As an introvert, that attention is something I try desperately to avoid.

As an extrovert, I know it’s going to be hard for you to understand this, but please know that I actually like being introverted. Because I’m content as an introvert, I wish that you’d be content with that part of my personality. I wish you’d stop trying to fix me or trying to make me become more like you. Instead, I wish you’d recognize that being introverted is part of what makes me, me.

I also wish that you, my extroverted classmate, would understand that

- Even though I’m introverted, I still like people! You just tire me out and so sometimes, I need to withdraw in order to recharge.

- I’m much more comfortable being in 1:1 conversations than in a big group.

- I don’t have to be talking to feel included in a conversation. Instead, I can contentedly listen to others.

- Speaking all the time doesn’t make you better than me. Sometimes, I think you think I’m dumb because I’m not constantly talking. However, I’m a deep thinker who has creative, innovative ideas.

- Despite having creative, innovative ideas, I’m not going to fight you to talk. I’ll wait for you to take a breath & I’ll gladly jump in but if you start talking over me, I won’t stop you. I’ll just be quiet.

- I don’t need to be the center of everyone’s attention. Chances are, I’ll share what I feel I have to contribute and then I’ll ask YOU a question to engage you. Just once, I’d love it if you’d stop talking long enough to ask me a question too.

- Speaking of which, the best way to engage me in conversation is to ask me a question. Don’t comment on how little I talk. That just makes me self-conscious about being shy. Instead, ask me something. But only ask if you really want to listen to my response. If you ask me a question and then interrupt me to answer it yourself, it’ll only frustrate us both.

If you’d just remember a few of these things, my extroverted classmate, I really think we could be friends. When I look at you, I see someone who I appreciate it and value because I know that you connect with a different type of person than I do. I know that you bring something to a group of people that I don’t. I know that you’re a valuable part of the Body of Christ and that you contribute uniquely to it.

I only wish you’d learn that the same is true of me.

I’m a classic type A personality.

Most of the time this serves me quite well. Take, for example, the last two weeks when, in addition, to the holidays, travel, and working, I’ve also had an article and curriculum due, and I’ve started grad school. Being “Type A” allows me to write a “to-do” list and take pleasure in checking things off once I’ve completed them. In highly stressful times, being “Type A” enables me to accomplish all that I need to do.

The problem is that sometimes, in my quest to complete things with excellence, I forget about WHY I’m doing WHAT I’m doing. I forget that being in relationships with people is always more important than having the perfect program, finishing a newsletter or calendar, submitting an article on time, or even getting an A on a paper.

Relationships are what enable me to love kids. Hopefully, these relationships enable kids to experience the reality of Christ’s love in a tangible way and to draw closer to Him as a result. Despite deeply believing this, twice in the last two weeks, my type A personality has gotten the best of me and I almost forgot this.

My first rude awakening was last week, when one of my students landed in the hospital with a broken nose and several compression fractures after attempting to sled in the dark. The day I found out, I was knee-deep in end of the year finances, calendars, and curriculum writing and when I got the call, I almost ignored it. I almost said, “I don’t have time to see Jennifer today because I’ve got way too much else to do!”

Thankfully, I didn’t. I called Jennifer’s mom and listened as she tearfully told me about the accident and then I stopped at the hospital and spent time with Jennifer and her dad. The whole thing took maybe an hour and in truth, it was the best, most productive hour of my day. It was an hour that God used in that moment with Jennifer and her family & that I believe God will continue to use in the future.

Despite that, the same thing happened again this week. I was having a super stressful day – meetings, planning for our upcoming retreat, and writing a grad school paper. I had already had one two hour meeting with an adult leader and had scheduled a one-on-one with one of the girls on my Student Leadership Team. Because I was so eager to complete the other tasks on my “to-do” list, I nearly relegated her to the bottom of it and canceled on her.

Once again, thankfully, I didn’t. Instead, I spent an hour eating cheesy popcorn and drinking hot chocolate with her and listening as she shared her struggle to find God in the midst of repeated crises with her family. Once again, this conversation (which I nearly put off because it was less important than the things on my “to-do” list with a concrete deadline), ended up being the high point of my day; The part of my day when I was most keenly aware of God’s presence.

Sure, God is in the administrative details that I have to take care of on a weekly basis. He’s also in my writing and he’s certainly in this grad school class that I’m taking. But above all, God is in people. Despite how much I love the theoretical, almost academic parts of my job that involve writing, planning, and creating, the reality is that they do no good if they don’t translate into the practical – into how I live my faith with, in, and among those that God has placed in my path.

So today I renew my commitment to always value people more than programs and to stop relegating people to the bottom of my “to-do” list.